Notorious (2009) - by Joan de Newyark

I remember... I'm in a basement. A boy's overbearing mother is baking frozen pot pies upstairs but it smells like weed and laundry sheets downstairs. There is a mini red pool table in the middle of the room and about 100 hot cans of Beast hidden throughout the room.

10 white, under-developed, hairless high school boys are attempting to rap along with the music. Its 1996. The pool sticks are thrust from arm to arm along with the occasional attempt to pump their shoulders in and out like plucked chickens about to die. There is a lot going on that doesn't meet the eye but one thing is for sure- that's Biggie Smalls blaring in suburbia.

"It was all a dream- I used to read Word Up! magazine..."

The dream was B.I.G.  He changed out of his normal clothes on his roof like all good movies including "Girls just wanna have fun".

I'm sure it is still happening today- the talk of "are they really dead?". It spread like wild fire from Fulton Street to frat houses and back to Brooklyn baby yoga classes. BUT can Court Street theatre show me the real story- I'm blood thirsty for the real experience that I'll never experience and I know it.

I always thought Biggie looked much older than 24- oh my god, now that is really sad- how was my middle school self so mistaken? Was 24 old to me then? He was a baby having babies- ain't that right boo?

I never knew Fulton Street until recently. Now I know that apartments on the corner of St. James and Fulton (where much of the movie takes place) rent for $1395 for a 1 bed and that's a deal...and people are much more likely to call it Clinton Hill.

The best part of the movie was the young Biggie was played by the real Biggie's real life son.  That is as much as I could handle before I start to tear up and call my self shorty.  I wish someone would rap on Fulton today- can Biggie's kid rap? Buying my fried fish is really boring in silence.  My whiteness is deafening.

Lil' Kim was the hotness, I thought the whole movie would be held in her grip... but in the end it tasted a little less like gin and juice and more like gin and water.

The actors are all fantastic. Honestly- I didn't want anyone to die- and when they did people were crying in the theatre. Did they not know? Oh my god, I feel so bad they didn't know- didn't they know this is a true life story? Or are the crying movie-goers related to Biggie? Did they know him personally? Oh my god, I am in Brooklyn watching a movie with black people that are crying because they were all friends with Biggie Smalls!

This is too much to handle and Lil' Kim is mounting him again. When in doubt just yell NOTORIOUS! You will fell better.

Xoxo,

Joan de Newyark (sent from my Blackberry)