Crazy Heart (2010) - by J.Molotov

Jeez, this was a boring movie. It gets more and more boring the more I think about it. No joke, the big climax of the movie was a 4-year-old wandering off and getting lost in a mall in Texas. Nothing else of note happens.

It pisses me off! When I saw the preview I knew it was going to be junk and I had already made the decision that I won’t be watching any more boring bio pics. We’re at the point where we aren’t even making bio pics for real people anymore, just making up fictional characters based on stereotypes and rehashing the same goddam story we’ve all watched 100 times on “Vh1’s Behind the Music.” But ok, it’s Jeff Bridges. And he finally got an Oscar. Ok, so I’ll watch it, ok, ok, ok.

And I got exactly what I knew I would get: sentimental, not even particularly dramatic, insipid, drivel. This is an old man movie. Not like the classic war pictures that old men watch on Saturday afternoons on TV and relive the senseless glories of their youth. No, like the type that they go to see on the retirement reservation when they have given up. When that slow, smooth glide into comfortable mediocrity is all that they hope for out of life. Like the fucking Bucket List. I can’t believe he won an Oscar for this.

Oh, and, why is Maggie Gyllenhall in movies? She’s not even pretty. I’m not trying to be shitty about it or anything but to be in the movies you usually have to meet one of two criteria: being a good actor, or being pretty. You gotta have at least one. Just sayin’.

What else is there to say about this? Oh—I thought it was going to be a lot more about the music. I mean, T. Bone Burnett produced it. But this character, Mr. Bad Blake, didn’t seem to have any relationship with his music. He sang some lukewarm renditions of typical country fare about bein’ no good and takin’ chances and all that cliché crap, and we are supposed to believe that he was considered a “great,” and that he is an authority on who is “real” country. Bullshit.